Confidence is Overrated—Focus on This Instead to Move Beyond Confidence!

Move Beyond Confidence

Confidence holds most women back.

There's a misguided belief that we need to first build confidence to do the thing that we really want, but don't feel "confident" enough to do. The truth is that feeling self-assured builds when we take bold actions and see that we're safe, whether we succeed right away or not. I find that confidence is a fleeting, surface-level feeling, which is why I focus on something more empowering that's intrinsic and unshakeable.

I invite women like you to move beyond confidence to something deeper that you already possess: your inner power.

Inner Power (Glow)

Your inner power is that part of you that exists when you strip away the external noise, inner critic and limiting beliefs.

You've already lived through countless challenges. What allowed you to move through each experience is the purest part of you that knows your worth and is made up of your inner strength and wisdom—all unique to you. When you release all of the external and internal pressures, you embrace your inner power.

To access your inner power—your glow—you need to recognize and give yourself permission to let go of impossible standards and step into a life that's more grounded, honest and freeing.

Impossible Standards

As women, we get pulled in so many different directions.

From an early age, we're told to be nice, taught to please and conditioned to be agreeable and presentable. As our responsibilities expand within our career and families, we realize we also need to be assertive, decisive and appear self-assured (often associated with executive presence). At the same time, we continue to be expected to act and speak in more feminine ways when facing insidious and ever-present (but not often spoken about) gender bias.

This double bind of conflicting societal expectations leaves us struggling with perfectionism, overthinking and editing ourselves, especially as high-achieving women.

Grow Your Glow

You might be wondering, "How do I access and harness my inner power—my glow?"

Before I answer that question, I want to add a note about the inner work required to grow your glow. This is an area where I spend considerable time with clients. While the concept itself is simple, the self-awareness and mindset / behavior shifts required to achieve it are not. You can still do the work on your own, and I invite you to recognize that it will take time and that setbacks are normal. You are potentially trying to undo years—even decades—of patterns of beliefs, thoughts and behaviors. Rewiring how you think and act takes effort and patience—remember to give yourself grace.

Now, let's get back to your question.

To start, I'm going to dig a little deeper into what makes up your glow.

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Self-Acceptance

To embrace your glow, you need to be willing to embrace yourself exactly as you are today. That includes both parts that you love and celebrate about yourself and parts that you don't. It requires you to let go of impossible standards.

Worth

We often tie knowing your own worth to compensation, but it's so more than that. It's recognizing that your time, wants and needs matter enough to put yourself first when it counts. Knowing your worth is one thing; standing for it is the aim.

Strength

Your inner strength is this incredible energy within you that may lie dormant or be muted at times, but is never lost. It's the part of you that allows you to stand firm in your convictions and to speak up when it matters. To embrace it, you'll need to identify what matters most to you, let go of people pleasing and—this may be surprising—allow yourself to express anger.

Wisdom

Your inner wisdom is your intuition. It's what's left when you tune out all of the noise around you and listen to the voice that actually matters—yours. You know yourself, your needs and what you deserve better than anyone else. To embrace it, you'll need to build self-trust by tuning inward for answers.

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Apply It

Now that you know what makes up your glow, consider thought and journaling exercises that can help you harness it.

Here are a few questions to get you started:

• What parts of myself are easier to accept and what parts are not? + How can I practice more self-acceptance?

• What truly matters to me enough to honor it? + How can I practice putting my needs first?

• What's an example of a time I felt really strong? + How can I practice harnessing that feeling?

• What have I been seeking answers about recently? + How can I practice trusting my intuition?

Glow Embodiment

Once you come to understand and embrace your inner glow, it helps to be able to easily access it when you need it.

Here are some instances where accessing your glow can be incredibly impactful: 1) You're getting ready for a difficult conversation with your partner or colleague, 2) You need to make an important life decision and want to make sure you're honoring what matters most to you, 3) You feel stuck in a situation or perspective and you want to find a way to move forward. There are certainly more situations where standing in your power can be valuable, and the goal is to recognize when you need it and to find a way to access it until it becomes more instinctual.

To that end, what I find to be most helpful—both from my clients' experiences and my own—is using your body to fully embrace your glow.

In coaching, embodiment means to physically feel into what you intellectually know, realize or even are unaware of mentally to amplify it. Why is this important? Our bodies are more intuitive than our minds. We can reason something away, but our bodies always reveal the truth. When you learn to physically embody feeling powerful, you'll magnify your glow.

So when you're recalling an experience where you've felt truly powerful and strong, consider: Where in your body do you feel it? and What posture does your body take? What visuals can help amplify this feeling even more? Are you wearing something like sunglasses or a blazer? Are you visualizing yourself against a specific backdrop or in a particular environment? Engage your senses further. What do you hear and smell? If you reached out, what would you touch? Consider attaching an image, character or object (e.g., an oak tree, tiger shark, pyramid, etc.) to your glow that can further help you embody it.

Okay, hang on!

If at this point you're thinking this all sounds pretty frou frou, you're in good company!

Fun Fact: Frou Frou is the name of an English electronic duo I love—check out one of my fav songs with deep meaning, Let Go!

There's a level of discomfort with embodiment that I and many of my clients share. I believe it's mostly because it's unfamiliar to us—which can feel awkward—and because so often we're discouraged from feeling what we feel, especially as women. If you're willing to work through the discomfort with me and work towards embodying your glow, I promise it will be easier to access and amplify!

Why It Matters

We only get this one precious life and we owe it to ourselves to own every inch of our lives.

My hope for every high-achieving woman reading this is to release internal and external pressures and to create a life that feels authentic, expressive and free. A critical step to achieving this is embracing and accessing your inner power—your glow. You deserve a life that's grounded, intentional and liberating.

Remember:

You have the power to create it.